Being a Mom

So last night I watched the video Brandon took in the hospital the day Hadley was born...I sat in the kitchen watching while Hadley was asleep and Brandon was watching the bowl game....and I boo-hooed. I thought about that day and the past 3.5 months of my life since then....I've felt so many emotions since that day...

• Amazement when she was born. I couldn't believe she was finally here after 9 months of waiting on her and praying for a healthy baby. She had the sweetest little cry. She had my nose and she had Brandon's beautiful blue eyes. She was perfect.
• Exhaustion the first few weeks at home, running on little sleep and trying to figure out what we were doing. I remember one night, Hadley was just a few weeks old, my mom came over. She knew how tired I was and she came to watch Hadley after work so me and Brandon could sleep for a couple hours. This happened to be the night they were rescuing the Chilean miners. When she left, she told me, "when Hadley wakes up, just think of what # miner they are rescuing and see if you are right when you go downstairs." She's been such an encourager.
• Complete joy when Hadley smiles at me and Brandon. She smiles alot, especially when she wakes up from naps, when she plays, and when her Daddy comes home from work. I think she's pretty excited to see someone else after being stuck at home with mommy all day :)
• Sadness when Hadley is crying or fussy and I don't know what is wrong. I'm very much looking forward to her being able to communicate with us! Also sad that breastfeeding didn't work out like I had envisioned (for now Hadley gets breast milk in a bottle - I pump 5-6 times a day!).
• Love when Hadley looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes. Love when she holds my finger with her tiny hand. Love when I snuggle with her for an afternoon nap. Love when I see her gazing at her daddy.
• Excitement as we see Hadley growing and learning new things. She's discovered her hands (not quite reaching yet, though), knows what her bottle is when she sees it (she opens her mouth like a little bird and moves her tongue, its so cute!), can hold her pacifier (although she hasn't mastered getting it in her mouth the right way yet), can hold small toys (holds them and then puts them directly in her mouth). Excitement over seeing her grow is sort of a double edged sword, as I can't believe she's growing so fast! Part of me wishes she would stay little forever. I put up most of her 0-3 month clothes yesterday. I think I shed a little tear! Also, excitement when I get to put my breast pump away!! Pumping 5-6 times a day isn't fun!
• Worried that Hadley is eating too much (not too little because this girl loves to eat! she's in the 75th percentile for weight and 90th for height right now), or that she's getting enough tummy time, or that I'm helping her develop good sleep habits, etc. I've read many books for new parents (Babywise, Happiest Baby on the Block, and Baby Whisperer) and each tell you to do something different.
• Hopeful that I will be the best mom I can be. God has entrusted us with this precious life, and I want to raise her the way He has planned. I want to be a Godly wife and mother.

The last 3.5 months have been the most rewarding and challenging I've ever experienced. Being a mom is the sweetest, most wonderful job I've ever had. I know we will experience many of these emotions and many more as Hadley grows, and as we grow in our role and parents and our marriage.